If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
