If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
