All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
