You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
