if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If that was your dad, he is hot
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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