I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
