Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
