Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize