if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
