WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
