Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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