Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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