the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
