dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
