im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
