dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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