Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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