I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize