i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
