i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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