watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
