Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
