I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
