the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
