Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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