I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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