you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize