READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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