i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
