Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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