I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
