Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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