Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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