I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
