Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
