Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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