I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need water and some morals
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
