There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
