If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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