my phone needs a breathalizer
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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