It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
