im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
