We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Holy sore nipples Batman
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
