Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
