I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
