i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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