I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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