Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
