some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my sisters under your porch take her home
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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