How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
