she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
