we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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