I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
