Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Too much gin, very little bucket
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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