So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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