Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
