I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
