I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
