We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
