Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Too much gin, very little bucket
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
