this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
