He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
