Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think i got beer on your cat.
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