Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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