if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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