mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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