never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
