you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Watching her eat just hurts me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
