...so i touched it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
