through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
