They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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