I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
