you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
