I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
