I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
