Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
