Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize