If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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