Just fell off a train. Bad.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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