i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
