All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
