I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
