I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
