you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
