i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize