he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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