I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
