My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
