I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
