So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize