can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I color on your dick again?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
