He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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