Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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